The Gift Of Solitude!

 How do you define the term alone? The term alone means so many things to people. It usually has a negative connotation to it. The collective definition of 'alone' usually means being physically on your own, without anyone in your physical presence. The term 'alone' is used in various ways, often in negative ways. Why is it that being alone with yourself is seen as something out of the ordinary? As a society we have come to believe that doing things by yourself or wanting to be in your own presence is seen as unusual. Many people strive to avoid being by themselves. We often seek to go places with people, go on vacation with people, find someone to go out with on a Saturday or Friday night, and find a partner to avoid certain feelings. We have been taught that there is something wrong with us when we don't have anyone else in our presence.

If we are single and not in a relationship, we are seen as being "alone." If we go travel solo, we are looked at like we are from mars. Many people hate spending weekends and evenings by themselves because they feel an emptiness of not being in the presence of others. Many of us constantly seek to avoid being in solitude with ourselves. Society does not endorse "me" time or any time that allows you to nourish your heart and soul. Over the years, I have come to realize the importance of spending time by myself. I travel by myself, I take walks by myself, I spend weekends by myself if I have nothing planned, heck I even take myself out for dinners at time. There used to be a time in which I always wanted to find people to do things with. I wouldn't go and watch a movie unless someone was with me. I would want to make plans in advance to oocupy my weekends just to avoid the emptiness I felt inside by being alone.The more I did things on my own, the comfortable I got with my own company. In fact, now, I crave and love to be in my own presence. There is no need to force and create plans for yourself, allow life to flow the way it wants to. Being in your own presence allows you space to nourish yourself, to nourish your mind, nourish your soul and provide yourself the compassion and company that you long for and that only you can provide for yourself.

Feeling alone and being alone are two different things. You can be physically by yourself but not feel alone. You can be by yourself and feel a sense of contentment and fulfillment inside yourself. However you can also be in the presence of someone or people and also feel an emptiness. Being by yourself does not make you any lower or weird than anyone else, in fact it is a place of liberation, independence and a confidence builder. You can be with a group of friends and still feel 'alone.' You can be in a relationship; whether married, dating or whatever it is and still feel 'single' and 'alone.' You could be on vacation solo and feel such joy and fulfillment. Feeling lonely, empty, fearful, agitated, or bored has nothing to do with your external circumstances/situation, it has everything to do with your internal state of being. This feeling means that there is a void that you feel in yourself and in your self security. No one can give you fullfillment, love, and security, only you can give yourself that. It may feel that being in the presence of people gives you a sence of joy and excitement, which in a way it does. However, to use others to fulfill a gap that you feel in yourself, is only a temporary fix that will surely go away in due time.

The more you allow yourself to sit with yourself and face fearful situations alone, the more comfortable you become with who you are. Choosing to be by yourself is the best thing that you can give yourself because It helps you depend on yourself and yourself only to provide the fulfillment you seek. Being bored has nothing to do with anyone else or your situation, it comes from within. To allow yourself the time for solitude is a gift you give yourself. Feeling the awkwardness and fear that being alone brings up for many is something that we need to embrace and sit with. Doing things on your own does not make you less than anyone else. The more we sit with these uncomfortable feelings, the less they arise and the more enjoyable our own presence becomes to ourselves.